Describe a sport you want to try for the first item --> Golf

2020-12-14 · 첨삭 강사 Jean

학생이 쓴 원문

I know it is not too easy to learn golf at first. I think basic skill and posture is an essential thing in all sports games, so I will learn how to play golf from a professional sports center. After learning basic posture, rules, and swing skills, I plan to practice at a real golf course regularly. I believe the maxim that practice makes perfect. Most beginning golfers purchase a full set of clubs, including a driver, woods, several irons, and a putter; They also need a golf bag, golf shoes, gloves, golf tees, and golf balls. Everything would probably cost about $2,000. I think golf sports can make the business atmosphere better. Sometimes important negotiations and meetings produce better results in places like golf courses rather than an office. First of all, playing golf for me has both reasons, exercise and social network. The golf course is where I build social and business connections. Golf is one of the best sports for network management of economic activities.

강사 첨삭

Here\'s your edited composition, [이름]! See you soon!

Cheers,
Jean~~


I know it is not too easy to learn golf at first.
>> or: Learning something new is never easy at first. 

 I think basic skill and posture is an essential thing in all sports games, so I will learn how to play golf from a professional sports center.
>> I think basic skills and posture are essential things in all sports, so I will learn how to play golf from a professional sports center.

 After learning basic posture, rules, and swing skills, I plan to practice at a real golf course regularly.
>>  After learning basic posture, the rules, and swing skills, I plan to practice at a real golf course regularly.

 I believe the maxim that practice makes perfect. Most beginning golfers purchase a full set of clubs, including a driver, woods, several irons, and a putter; They also need a golf bag, golf shoes, gloves, golf tees, and golf balls. Everything would probably cost about $2,000.
>> correct

I think golf sports can make the business atmosphere better. 
>> I believe that playing golf can make the business atmosphere better. 

Sometimes important negotiations and meetings produce better results in places like golf courses rather than an office. 
>> Important negotiations and meetings can sometimes produce better results in places like golf courses than offices. 

First of all, playing golf for me has both reasons, exercise and social network. 
>> First of all, playing golf for me is for both exercise and social network reasons.  

The golf course is where I build social and business connections. Golf is one of the best sports for network management of economic activities.
>> correct


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