Describe the kind of family environment you hope to build in the future and why.
학생이 쓴 원문
I want to have family environment I can rely on.
I am the oldest among my cousins and sibilings.
It means I don\'t have older sibilings I can ask for help when I suffer from something.
For example, I was the first person who took a university entrance exam among my cousins. I wanted to ask how to prepare for exams and deal with my mental condition, but nobody couldn\'t answer them.
Even when I prepared for a job interview, I couldn\'t ask for help to others.
As a result, I can\'t help but become independent and could help my younger brother when he asked for help.
However, after I had major surgeries, I began to think I also want to have family I can rely on because I realized there are things I can\'t overcome by myself.
강사 첨삭
Hi, [이름]!
This is a very thoughtful and personal reflection! I can see how much you value independence but also understand the importance of support from family. Just watch small grammar points and word choice, like “sibilings → siblings” and “nobody couldn’t → nobody could.” Keep writing like this — your ideas are very heartfelt and clear!
~Teacher Polly
>>CORRECT
I am the oldest among my cousins and sibilings.
>>I am the oldest among my cousins and siblings.
It means I don\'t have older sibilings I can ask for help when I suffer from something.
>>This means I don’t have older siblings to ask for help when I face difficulties.
For example, I was the first person who took a university entrance exam among my cousins.
>>CORRECT
OR>>For example, I was the first person among my cousins to take a university entrance exam.
I wanted to ask how to prepare for exams and deal with my mental condition, but nobody couldn\'t answer them.
>>I wanted to ask for advice on how to prepare for exams and manage my mental condition, but nobody could answer my questions.
Even when I prepared for a job interview, I couldn\'t ask for help to others.
>>Even when I prepared for a job interview, I couldn’t ask for help from others.
As a result, I can\'t help but become independent and could help my younger brother when he asked for help.
>>As a result, I had to become independent and learned how to help my younger brother when he needed support.
However, after I had major surgeries, I began to think I also want to have family I can rely on because I realized there are things I can\'t overcome by myself.
>>However, after having major surgeries, I began to think that I also want a family I can rely on, because there are some challenges I can’t overcome by myself.
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