Discipline
학생이 쓴 원문
Thank you, and have a nice weekend
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
Take note of the sentence patterns shown below.
Sentence construction is very important at this point of your practice.
Make sure to understand them and practice making sentences.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Discipline is very important for all children.
>> Discipline is very important to all children.
Moreover, it is important not only the contents of discipline
but also the people who will be in charged the role for children.
>> Moreover, it is not only the way of discipline that is important but also the people who will be in charge of this role for children.
There are many views of this that teachers
or parents have to have responsibility of discipline.
>> There are many views concerning teachers or parents having the responsibility of disciplining children.
This essay will discuss who the most essential people
for children’s discipline and I would express my opinion as well.
>> This essay will discuss who the most essential people for children’s discipline are and I would express my opinion as well.
Most children want to meet a good teacher in schools because teacher’s role is very impact to children.
>> Most children want to have a good teacher in school because the teacher’s role has a great impact on children.
Children’s personalities can be formed by teachers with just one word or tiny attitude.
>> Children’s personalities can be formed by teachers with just one word or attitude.
Children are sensitive
and ask everything in school to teachers.
>> Children are sensitive and they ask about everything to teachers when they are in school.
Furthermore, children spend most of time with teachers in school
during the day.
>> Furthermore, children spend most of their time with teachers in school during the day.
Therefore, many parents hardly ask their teachers to care about their children.
>> Therefore, many parents sincerely ask teachers to take care of their children.
However, others think differently.
>> Correct
They think parents should take the role of discipline even though teachers
teach their children.
>> They think parents should take the role of disciplining their children even though teachers teach the latter.
The main reason for this is that they think basic education is started with parents in
home.
>> The main reason for this is that they think basic education starts with parents at home.
If children do not learn well from parents, children will not learn well from their teachers after they
enrolled in school.
>> Correct
For instance, the most famous murderers abused by parents than teachers.
>> For instance, most infamous murderers were abused by their parents and not their teachers.
It is one of
the powerful proves that how much parents’ discipline is important for children.
>> It is a clear proof of how important parents’ actions are for children.
In my view, parents should be responsible of children’s discipline.
>> In my view, parents should be responsible of their children’s discipline.
Teachers are very vital for children,
however, teachers can be changed by parents’ need.
>> Teachers are very vital for children, however, teachers can be changed based on parents’ needs.
But parents cannot be changed from anyone.
>> However, no one can replace someone\'s parents.
Children
have to accept their parents without any condition and parents also cannot decide their children’ gender or
appearance.
>> Children have to accept their parents without any conditions and parents also cannot choose their children’s gender or appearance.
It is destiny and so, parents have big responsibility their children as well as for discipline.
>> It is destiny and so, parents have a big responsibility to their children including the latter\'s discipline.
In
conclusion, parents should learn and know how they can nurture their children because children’s
personality is decided by their parents.
>> In conclusion, parents should learn and know how they can nurture their children because a child\'s personality depends on how he or she was raised.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.