Do professional athletes get paid too much? Why or why not?
학생이 쓴 원문
I think professional athletes have worth for getting well paid. Of course, to be professional athletes, they might struggle a lot of competition and they go through unaccountable challenges. A high salary is a result of their effort. In other perspective, I think professional athletes\' period of activity isn\'t long than other job. Becasue they use their body, even if they took good care of themselves, the body getting age and their athletic ability will go worse. Therefore, their salary includes their funds for life after retirement.
강사 첨삭
Good Morning, Mary! You presented a clear and balanced opinion, and your main idea is easy to understand. You explained well that professional athletes deserve high pay because of their intense competition, effort, and the many challenges they face, and you also made a strong point about their short career span and the need to prepare financially for life after retirement. To improve, pay closer attention to word choice and grammar, such as using “are worth being well paid,” “face intense competition,” “from another perspective,” and correcting spelling and verb forms like “because,” “gets older,” and “declines.” Overall, your reasoning is logical and thoughtful, and with more accuracy in language, your writing will become much more polished.
-Teacher Wela
I think professional athletes have worth for getting well paid.
>> I think professional athletes are worth being well paid.
>> I think professional athletes are worth being well paid.
Of course, to be professional athletes, they might struggle a lot of competition and they go through unaccountable challenges.
>> Of course, to become professional athletes, they must struggle through intense competition and face countless challenges.
>> Of course, to become professional athletes, they must struggle through intense competition and face countless challenges.
A high salary is a result of their effort.
>> A high salary is the result of their effort.
>> A high salary is the result of their effort.
Therefore, their salary includes their funds for life after retirement.
>> Therefore, their salary also includes financial security for life after retirement.
>> Therefore, their salary also includes financial security for life after retirement.
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