Do you keep yourself healthy?
학생이 쓴 원문
Dear [Name],
Of course, I do something for my healthy. I walk around my house. My house located in new town at Incheon city and there is a small river beside my house. so it is very freshment to walk along the river. I also ride a bicycle along the river, So I am feeling wind and speed. I am very happy with that. sometimes, I am running along the river. the running is very good for health. I water my body after runninng. 2-3 years ago, I started marathone. I could lose my weight 10kg after one month. my blood data returned normal than before.
I want to run around my house everyday. but it\'s very difficult to do, because I was very tired after company.
These days, I do hula hoop in the living room. my waist is getting fatter. so I would like to return my young.
Today it rained all day. so I could not go out. so I will do the walking machine and bicycle machine in the living room.
These machine is good for health. but it is difficult to do long time.
강사 첨삭
Hello [이름]! Thank you for having a wonderful composition. Keep up the good work.
Here are your corrections:
Of course, I do something for my healthy.
>> Of course, I do something for my health.
I walk around my house.
>> CORRECT
My house located in new town at Incheon city and there is a small river beside my house.
>> My house is located in a new town at Incheon city and it is beside a small river.
so it is very freshment to walk along the river.
>> So, it\'s very refreshing to walk along the river.
I also ride a bicycle along the river, So I am feeling wind and speed.
>> I also ride a bicycle along the river, so I feel the wind and speed.
I am very happy with that.
>> CORRECT
sometimes, I am running along the river.
>> Sometimes, I run along the river.
the running is very good for health.
>> Running is good for the health.
I water my body after runninng.
>> I sweat a lot after running.
2-3 years ago, I started marathone.
>> 2-3 years ago, I started joining the marathon.
I could lose my weight 10kg after one month.
>> I could lose as much as 10kg after a month.
my blood data returned normal than before.
>> My blood pressure also returned to normal.
I want to run around my house everyday. but it\'s very difficult to do, because I was very tired after company.
>> I want to run around my house everyday but it\'s very difficult to do because I\'m always tire after working in the company.
>> CORRECT
my waist is getting fatter. so I would like to return my young.
>> My waist is getting fatter and I would like to return to my younger aged body.
>> Today, it rained all day so I couldn\'t go out.
so I will do the walking machine and bicycle machine in the living room.
>> I will use the treadmill and indoor bicycle in the living room.
>> These machines are good for the health but they\'re difficult to do for a long period of time.
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