Do you think holidays are too commercialized?
학생이 쓴 원문
I agreed that I also think current holidays are too commercialized. When I was young, I had spent time with family at home.
But nowadays, I have to go outside with my children such as restaurant, department store, museum and park, etc , since my children want to experience something which they were watching from internet or television. Our media are producing a lot of attractive advertisement and it makes that many people spend more money during holidays.
강사 첨삭
Here\'s your corrected composition, In [이름]. Please take a look at the revisions below. Speak to you tomorrow!
Cheers,
Jean~~
Do you think holidays are too commercialized?
I agreed that I also think current holidays are too commercialized.
>> I agree that the current holidays are too commercialized.
When I was young, I had spent time with family at home.
>> When I was young, I spent time with my family at home.
But nowadays, I have to go outside with my children such as restaurant, department store, museum and park, etc , since my children want to experience something which they were watching from internet or television.
>> But nowadays, I have to go outside, such as to restaurants, department stores, museums, parks, etc., with my children since they want to experience things they saw on the internet or television.
Our media are producing a lot of attractive advertisement and it makes that many people spend more money during holidays.
>> Our media are producing a lot of attractive advertisements that make many people spend more money during holidays.
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