Do you think it’s possible that one day, many people will live on Mars? If yes or no, please explain
학생이 쓴 원문
\"There is no limit to the power of the human mind. The more concentrated it is, the more power is brought to bear on one point\" (Swami Vivekananda). Humans have succeeded in a lot of things that would not be able to succeed: there\'s only one thing that humans never do, step on god\'s toes. In other words, except that humans have done a lot of things. So then, I believe people will live on Mars at some point. Also, our earth has died for hundreds of years because of global warming, endless man-made development, too much inefficient technology, etc. Even though this situation is caused by humans and we should be responsible to make this happen, we must figure out another solution for keeping our generation, which may be that solution, living on Mars. Thus, overall my thoughts and belief are life on Mars will be possible at some point, whether it takes more than hundreds of years or millions of years.
강사 첨삭
Thank you for writing this good essay, Su A! I remembered what you told me in one of our classes before, and I feel like this is one of those essays where you wish you could add more input if it wasn\'t for the alphabet limit. You were able to persuade the readers by reminding them of the slow but steady decline of the Earth, and how the blame is mainly on mankind. This drives the notion that perhaps it is not as okay to live here someday than we thought. Great work!
~T.Harmony <3
>> CORRECT!
Humans have succeeded in a lot of things that would not be able to succeed: there\'s only one thing that humans never do, step on god\'s toes.
>> ...that they would have been able to succeed in. There\'s only one that that humans never do: step on God\'s toes. (We usually capitalize the first letter in \"God\", but it depends on one\'s beliefs. ^^)
In other words, except that humans have done a lot of things.
>> CORRECT!
So then, I believe people will live on Mars at some point.
>> CORRECT!
OR>> With that being said,...
Also, our earth has died for hundreds of years because of global warming, endless man-made development, too much inefficient technology, etc.
>> CORRECT!
Even though this situation is caused by humans and we should be responsible to make this happen, we must figure out another solution for keeping our generation, which may be that solution, living on Mars.
>> ...another solution to preserve our generation...
Thus, overall my thoughts and belief are life on Mars will be possible at some point, whether it takes more than hundreds of years or millions of years.
>> CORRECT!
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.