Do you think peer pressure is the main reason young people develop vices?

Hi! You did a great job explaining how peer pressure can influence young people’s habits. I like how you included examples from military service and social media to support your points, it makes your ideas concrete and relatable. Your paragraph shows clear reasoning and logical flow. To make it even stronger, focus on using precise expressions like “engage in vices” instead of “do vices,” and watch verb forms and sentence structure for smoother reading. Overall, your explanation is thoughtful and well-organized. Keep up the good work!

-Teacher Wela 

 It is common in Korea that guys start to smoke during their military days because almost people smoking to take a rest.

>> In Korea, it is common for men to start smoking during their military service because many people smoke to take breaks.

Additionally, people use social media due to contact with their friends.

>> Additionally, young people often use social media to stay in contact with their friends.

 If their friends are the type to show off their daily life, they will be influenced and spend too much time in social media.

>>  If their friends frequently post about their daily lives, they may feel pressured and spend excessive time on social media.

Therefore, it is important which friends we meet during our life.

>> Therefore, it is important to choose friends wisely throughout our lives.