Do you think world leaders should talk more about human rights when protests happen, or focus on nat

2026-01-13 · 첨삭 강사 Beth

학생이 쓴 원문

Whenever mass protests happen, many governments try to crackdown. This is because the protests can bring harm to national stability. Irrespective of how developed the countries are, many nations choose to tackle the protests aggressively. This is what happening US surrounding ICE agents shooting civilians and Iran on economic instability and rising cost of living. In my opinion, the world leaders should take human rights into consideration when this type of protest happens. Indeed, there are some people who are trying to exploit protest to instigate a riot which I can often witness during protest in Paris. However, protest is a right of citizens to state their view on democracy. Accordingly, it is absurd for government to arrest and injure citizens who came out onto the street to make their voice heard. In Iran, there are over 2000 people are dying in a day because troops are shooting civilians. Putting too much weight on national security will result in grave human right abuse.

강사 첨삭

Thank you for this, Aciel!

Whenever mass protests happen, many governments try to crackdown. 
>>> OR: Whenever mass protests happen, many governments try to crack down on them.  
This is because the protests can bring harm to national stability. 
>>>  correct 
>>> OR: This is because protests can threaten national stability
Irrespective of how developed the countries are, many nations choose to tackle the protests aggressively. 
>>> correct
>>> OR: Regardless of how developed countries are, many nations choose to handle protests aggressively.   
This is what happening US surrounding ICE agents shooting civilians and Iran on economic instability and rising cost of living. 
>>>  OR: This is what is happening in the United States after an ICE agent shot and killed a civilian, sparking public anger and protests nationwide. In Iran, there have been large protests over economic instability and the rising cost of living. 
In my opinion, the world leaders should take human rights into consideration when this type of protest happens.
>>>  correct 
Indeed, there are some people who are trying to exploit protest to instigate a riot which I can often witness during protest in Paris. 
>>> correct
>>> OR: Indeed, there are some people who try to exploit protests to instigate riots, which I have often seen during protests in Paris. 
However, protest is a right of citizens to state their view on democracy. 
>>> correct   
Accordingly, it is absurd for government to arrest and injure citizens who came out onto the street to make their voice heard. 
>>>  Accordingly, it is absurd for a government to arrest or injure citizens who came into the streets to make their voices heard.
In Iran, there are over 2000 people are dying in a day because troops are shooting civilians. 
>>> In Iran, there are over 2000 people dying in a day because troops are shooting civilians.   
Putting too much weight on national security will result in grave human right abuse.
>>>  correct 
 

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