Do you want to be exceptionally skilled in one area or have a lot of little skills that you’re prett
학생이 쓴 원문
I expect myself to be more knowledgeable in the finance sector. I majored in international finance, concentrated explicitly on global banking at university to launch my future career in the relevant field. After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as clients, but most of the work was related to answering their inquiries and gathering information for future sales opportunities. I even had to handle angry customers by listening to their complaints few times per day, which seem irrelevant to work. Accordingly, I will be resigning this week because I lost motivation at work. I hope my future job is related to conducting deep analysis and delivering meaningful insight in a fast-paced financial market.
강사 첨삭
Here\'s your corrected composition, Aciel! See you later!
Cheers,
Jean~~
I expect myself to be more knowledgeable in the finance sector.
>> correct
I majored in international finance, concentrated explicitly on global banking at university to launch my future career in the relevant field.
>> I majored in international finance, and concentrated explicitly on global banking at university to launch my future career in the relevant field.
After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as clients, but most of the work was related to answering their inquiries and gathering information for future sales opportunities.
>> After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as clients... (This is an ambiguous clause cos it seems that you were the client even though the phrase \"as clients\" followed \"financial professionals\". Consider the following changes.) After graduation, I worked with financial professionals as a consultant but most of the work was related to answering their queries and gathering information for future sales opportunities.
I even had to handle angry customers by listening to their complaints few times per day, which seem irrelevant to work.
>> (This sentence somehow implies a complaint on your part about having the need to handle such clients. Consider the sentence below.)
>> I even handled angry customers by listening to their complaints and rants a few times per day, which may seem irrelevant to work but in fact, this further honed my com[이름]ication skills.
Accordingly, I will be resigning this week because I lost motivation at work.
>> (Again, another complaint. This sentence sounds quite negative and would discourage your potential employer from hiring you. Consider changing the reason for your resignation. HR people wouldn\'t want to hear this kind of reason even though it\'s a common one.)
I hope my future job is related to conducting deep analysis and delivering meaningful insight in a fast-paced financial market.
>> correct
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