essay 7

2014-09-19 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

People have different ways of escaping the stress and difficulties of modern life. Which do you prefer and why? I live in Seoul, the capital of South Korea. The population density in Seoul is very high, and Korean people are motivated but have a hot temper. Therefore, living in Seoul is busy, noisy and a series of competiton. When I get stressed, I go to the park to walk and feel the nature. It is a very simple, easy and immediate way to solve the stress of city life. There are many parks, trails, and small mountains in all around of Seoul. Fortunately, I live close to the Olympic park which is a huge park built in 1988 for the olympic. There are many trees, flowers, gentle slopes, trails and ponds. All I need is a pair of trainers and earphones with my mp3. When I walk the park while listing to music and seeing the scenery, I can completely sut off all stress from city and forget all worries. It makes me free and refresh, gives me a new energy and motivation to live in city.

강사 첨삭

Happy Friday, Veronica! We have different modes of stress relief and they are purely subjective! Some can work for others, but some just can\'t~ Anyways, find out what makes you happy and go for it! I am just thinking that if the golf ball were my enemy, whoa, it could have flown to the universe!I live in Seoul, the capital of South Korea. >>CORRECT! The population density in Seoul is very high, and Korean people are motivated but have a hot temper. >>The population density in Seoul is very high, and Korean people are motivated but hot tempered. Therefore, living in Seoul is busy, noisy and a series of competiton. >>Therefore, living in Seoul means a busy, noisy and competitive life.  When I get stressed, I go to the park to walk and feel the nature. >>CORRECT!It is a very simple, easy and immediate way to solve the stress of city life. >>CORRECT! There are many parks, trails, and small mountains in all around of Seoul. >>There are many parks, trails, and small mountains around of Seoul. Fortunately, I live close to the Olympic park which is a huge park built in 1988 for the olympic. >>Fortunately, I live close to the Olympic Park which is a huge park built in 1988 for the Olympic Games.  There are many trees, flowers, gentle slopes, trails and ponds. >>CORRECT! All I need is a pair of trainers and earphones with my mp3. >>All I need are a pair of trainers and earphones with my mp3.  When I walk the park while listing to music and seeing the scenery, I can completely sut off all stress from city and forget all worries. >> When I walk around the park while listening to music and seeing the scenery, I can completely shut off all stress from the city and forget all worries. It makes me free and refresh, gives me a new energy and motivation to live in city. >>It makes me free and refreshed, giving me new energy and motivation to live here.

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