Essay: a terrible experience when you were young

2013-11-01 · 첨삭 강사 Kelly

학생이 쓴 원문

I can imagine she even walked for several hours to save the bus fare and did not buy a piece of cloth for herself. I remember how much I missed her all the time when I was young. Especially when I went to elementary school, I returned home and no one was at home to welcome me because my grandmother and farther always worked late outside. Coming back home where no one waited for me and spending time by myself without my mother was the loneliest time I would never forget. One terrible accident I had was when I was in the 9th grade. One day before Korean Thanks Giving day, my friend and I rode a bicycle to go downtown. We rode one bicycle and my friend steered and I rode behind him. On our way to the downtown, there was a small bridge over the road and we fell off the bridge after losing balance because he just learnt riding the bike. The bridge was almost two meter-high and I hit my face against the bike handle when falling down. My chin was severely injured and I still have a scar.

강사 첨삭

Hi there^^

Thank you for sharing this to me^^

It really is a terrible experience!!

I bet that because of what happened you\'re stronger than before^^

Let\'s talk more about this in our class^^

Enjoy the rest of your day and take care^^

~T.Nina^^

I can imagine she even walked for several hours to save the bus fare and did not buy a piece of cloth for herself.

>>I can\'t imagine that she walked for several hours just to save her bus fare and not buy a piece of cloth for herself.

I remember how much I missed her all the time when I was young.

>>CORRECT!

Especially when I went to elementary school, I returned home and no one was at home to welcome me because my grandmother and farther always worked late outside.

>>Especially, when I was an elementary school student, I came home and no one was there to welcome me because my grandmother and father always work late.

Coming back home where no one waited for me and spending time by myself without my mother was the loneliest time I would never forget.

>>Going home with no one waiting for you and spending my time alone without my mother was the loneliest time I will never forget.

One terrible accident I had was when I was in the 9th grade.

>>CORRECT!

One day before Korean Thanks Giving day, my friend and I rode a bicycle to go downtown.

>>CORRECT!

We rode one bicycle and my friend steered and I rode behind him.

>>CORRECT!

>>OR: We rode one bicycle, my friend steered and I rode at the back.

On our way to the downtown, there was a small bridge over the road and we fell off the bridge after losing balance because he just learnt riding the bike.

>>On our way downtown, there was a small bridge over the road and we fell off the bridge after losing balance because he just learned how to ride a bike.

The bridge was almost two meter-high and I hit my face against the bike handle when falling down.

>>The bridge was almost two meters high and my face got hit by the bike handle when I fell down.

My chin was severely injured and I still have a scar.

>>CORRECT!

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