Essay: cyber bullying

2013-08-14 · 첨삭 강사 Nina

학생이 쓴 원문

It depends on the severity of cyber bullying. Cyber bullying is a serious problem that could cause someone to commit suicide. In the Korean society, there have been cases where many famous celebrities and young students took their own lives because of cyber bullying. They have long been harassed, humiliated, embarrassed, threatened or tormented. If the case is minor, we can discipline a student to correct his/her behavior. However, if t is repeatable and inspired by ill-will, he/she should be harshly punished including the suspension or the dismissal from school. Although the punishment only without disciplinary education is not a good solution for young students, they also should be aware that they should take themselves accountable for their actions. Ultimately, though, it is important that our community as a whole takes a stand against cyber bullying, teaching kids to treat each other with respect, and to see that it is unacceptable when others are being hurt or harassed.

강사 첨삭

Hello Sir [이름]! It\'s the mid-week again! Tomorrow is your holiday! I hope that you will have a great time with your family. Cyber bullying is really a serious problem nowadays. Your opinions were amazing! I do agree with you that the people who are involved should be disciplined and be reminded about the consequences of their actions. Thank you for imparting a lot of ideas today. See you in class! Teacher Nina It depends on the severity of cyber bullying. >> Correct! Cyber bullying is a serious problem that could cause someone to commit suicide. >> Correct! >> OR: Cyber bullying is a serious problem that can lead to a person to commit suicide. In the Korean society, there have been cases where many famous celebrities and young students took their own lives because of cyber bullying. >> There have been cases where many famous celebrities and young students took their own lives because of cyber bullying in Korea. >> OR: There have been cases in the society where a lot of famous celebrities and young students took their own lives because of cyber bullying in Korea. They have long been harassed, humiliated, embarrassed, threatened or tormented. >> They were harassed, humiliated, embarrassed, threatened or tormented for a long time. >> OR: They were suffering from humiliation, embarrassment, threats and torment for a long time. If the case is minor, we can discipline a student to correct his/her behavior. >> If the case is minor, we can discipline the student to correct his/her behavior. >> OR: If it is only a minor case, we can discipline the student to correct his/her behavior. However, if t is repeatable and inspired by ill-will, he/she should be harshly punished including the suspension or the dismissal from school. >> However, if it was done repeatedly and in an ill will manner, he/she should be harshly punished such as suspension or dismissal from school. Although the punishment only without disciplinary education is not a good solution for young students, they also should be aware that they should take themselves accountable for their actions. >> Although the punishment is a discplinary action which is not a good solution for young students, they should also be aware that they should take themselves accountable for their actions. >> OR: Although the punishment is a discplinary action which is not a good solution for young students, they should also be aware that they should be accountable for their actions. Ultimately, though, it is important that our community as a whole takes a stand against cyber bullying, teaching kids to treat each other with respect, and to see that it is unacceptable when others are being hurt or harassed. >> Lastly, it is important that our community as a whole should take a stand against cyber bullying, teaching kids to treat each other with respect, and to see that it is unacceptable when others are being hurt or harassed.

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