ESSAY: If you could change anything about your country, what would you change?
학생이 쓴 원문
If I have a chance to change my country\'s problem, I would like to modify a regulation.
I would like to offer variety opportunities for citizens regardless of wealth and status. As far as the student education concerned, most people think that students who live in Korea have given same opportunities because of compulsory education. However, it is actually unequal. Students who have rich parents can acquire lots of educations which are high quality much more than other who do not have wealthy parents. Besides that, according to the article, some people who know university senior professor could entered respected schools easily even though other students struggled in studies.
It is clear that there are a lot of problems we have to alter in our countries.In my opininon, we should not only complain about our stressful life, but also effort to gain reward about personal endeavers
강사 첨삭
Hello Kelly. Nice composition! Thanks.
~T. Irene~
If I have a chance to change my country\'s problem, I would like to modify a regulation.
>>> If I have a chance to solve my country\'s problem, I would like to modify a regulation.
I would like to offer variety opportunities for citizens regardless of wealth and status.
>>> I would like to offer a variety of opportunities for citizens regardless of their wealth and/or status.
As far as the student education concerned, most people think that students who live in Korea have given same opportunities because of compulsory education.
>>> As far as student education is concerned, most people think that students who live in Korea are given the same opportunities because of compulsory education.
However, it is actually unequal.
>> However, this is far from what is true or what we actually have.
Students who have rich parents can acquire lots of educations which are high quality much more than other who do not have wealthy parents.
>>> Students who have rich parents can acquire lots of educational benefits of high quality as compared to others who do not have wealthy parents.
Besides that, according to the article, some people who know university senior professor could entered respected schools easily even though other students struggled in studies.
>>> Besides that, according to an article talks about some parents who are acquainted to some university senior professors ask favors for their children to enter the some respected schools easily even though they struggled in their studies.
It is clear that there are a lot of problems that we have to alter in our country.
>>> It is clear that there are a lot of problems we have to alter in our countries.
In my opininon, we should not only complain about our stressful life, but also effort to gain reward about personal endeavers
>>> In my opinion, we should not only complain about our stressful life, but also exert some effort to gain a reward from personal endeavors
~T. Irene~
If I have a chance to change my country\'s problem, I would like to modify a regulation.
>>> If I have a chance to solve my country\'s problem, I would like to modify a regulation.
I would like to offer variety opportunities for citizens regardless of wealth and status.
>>> I would like to offer a variety of opportunities for citizens regardless of their wealth and/or status.
As far as the student education concerned, most people think that students who live in Korea have given same opportunities because of compulsory education.
>>> As far as student education is concerned, most people think that students who live in Korea are given the same opportunities because of compulsory education.
However, it is actually unequal.
>> However, this is far from what is true or what we actually have.
Students who have rich parents can acquire lots of educations which are high quality much more than other who do not have wealthy parents.
>>> Students who have rich parents can acquire lots of educational benefits of high quality as compared to others who do not have wealthy parents.
Besides that, according to the article, some people who know university senior professor could entered respected schools easily even though other students struggled in studies.
>>> Besides that, according to an article talks about some parents who are acquainted to some university senior professors ask favors for their children to enter the some respected schools easily even though they struggled in their studies.
It is clear that there are a lot of problems that we have to alter in our country.
>>> It is clear that there are a lot of problems we have to alter in our countries.
In my opininon, we should not only complain about our stressful life, but also effort to gain reward about personal endeavers
>>> In my opinion, we should not only complain about our stressful life, but also exert some effort to gain a reward from personal endeavors
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