ESSAY: Is cancer a common disease or illness in your country?
학생이 쓴 원문
Unfortunately, cancer is a quite common here in Korea.
According to the Department of Korean Statistics, cancer places the topmost position of Korean death.
Specifically, among 100,000 dead Koreans in 2018, 154 persons died due to cancer.
The fatality rate increases every year.
There are two reasons for the increment.
The first reason is the advanced medical technology.
As efficient medicines have been invented, a lot of serious diseases such as AIDS and smallpox are conquered now.
Hence, the still unconquered cancer contributes to the death rate more and more.
The second reason is the environmental pollution.
The air and water pollution and the genetically modified foods might cause unexpected mutations of cell which eventually results in cancer.
강사 첨삭
Hello Sir Jong Moo. Thank you once again for this. Advance technology and medicine definitely can cure a lot of illnesses today. However, there are also limitations.
- T, Beth
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Unfortunately, cancer is a quite common here in Korea.>>> Unfortunately, cancer is quite common here in Korea.
According to the Department of Korean Statistics, cancer places the topmost position of Korean death.
>>> OR: According to the Department of Korean Statistics, cancer ranks first in the causes of mortality in Korea.
Specifically, among 100,000 dead Koreans in 2018, 154 persons died due to cancer.
Specifically, among 100,000 dead Koreans in 2018, 154 persons died due to cancer.
>>> OR: To be more specific, among 100,000 dead Koreans in 2018, 154 persons died due to cancer.
The fatality rate increases every year.
>>> correct
There are two reasons for the increment.
There are two reasons for the increment.
>>> correct
The first reason is the advanced medical technology.
The first reason is the advanced medical technology.
>>> correct
As efficient medicines have been invented, a lot of serious diseases such as AIDS and smallpox are conquered now.
>>> correct
Hence, the still unconquered cancer contributes to the death rate more and more.
Hence, the still unconquered cancer contributes to the death rate more and more.
>>> OR: Hence, the still incurable cancer contributes to the death rate more and more.
The second reason is the environmental pollution.
>>> correct
The air and water pollution and the genetically modified foods might cause unexpected mutations of cell which eventually results in cancer.
The air and water pollution and the genetically modified foods might cause unexpected mutations of cell which eventually results in cancer.
>>> The air and water pollution and the genetically modified foods might cause unexpected mutations of cell which eventually results to cancer.
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