ESSAY: What do you think can make a person strive better in life; determination or passion? Explain
학생이 쓴 원문
Both determination and passion are essential to make people strive better in their life. Because those two things should interact each other in order to motivate a person who wants a better life. So It is better to say that the determination give people a way of life but the passion lead us to move to the way. For example, if we only have a determination without passion, we will know the direction but not put an effort to improve our lives. Meanwhile, if we don\'t have a determination, we will use our energy wrongly and pointlessly. So if we lose any of them, we can\'t be better in our life. By a determination, you will plan a better life and by a passion, you will execute the plan.
강사 첨삭
Hello [이름] [이름],
Thank you for taking time to answer this question. It only proves that you really wanted to improve in your English skill. Please do check and take note of the corrections for your improvement. I hope it helped you.
Keep up the good work!
Sincerely,
Teacher Annie (^^)
What do you think can make a person strive better in life; determination or passion?
Both determination and passion are essential to make people strive better in their life.
>>> CORRECT
Because those two things should interact each other in order to motivate a person who wants a better life.
>>> Because these two things should interact with each other in order to motivate a person who wants a better life.
So It is better to say that the determination give people a way of life but the passion lead us to move to the way.
>>> So It is better to say that determination gives people a way of life but passion leads us to move forward.
For example, if we only have a determination without passion, we will know the direction but not put an effort to improve our lives.
>>> For example, if we only have determination without passion, we will know the direction but will not put an effort to improve our lives.
Meanwhile, if we don\'t have a determination, we will use our energy wrongly and pointlessly.
>>> Meanwhile, if we don\'t have determination, we will use our energy in a wrong way and everything will be pointless.
So if we lose any of them, we can\'t be better in our life.
>>> CORRECT
By a determination, you will plan a better life and by a passion, you will execute the plan.
>>> By having a determination, you will plan a better life and by passion, you will execute the plan.
*Note: I personally like the way you presented your argument.
You did a very good job!
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