Expensive activity part 2 #1
학생이 쓴 원문
I usually do many things in my free time, including playing games, watching reality shows on TV, and listening to music. My main hobbies include watching movies, wild photography, and listening to music. So, my hobbies are quite economical.
[What, Who] But occasionally, I go to adventurers and wild places for photography. I generally go there with my friends. [Why] Whenever I go to these places, it costs me a lot because it is far from my house. First, traveling costs amount to about two hundred thousand won. With some other expenses, additional charges dramatically go up, such as digital cameras and specialized lenses for the cameras. I started doing photography during my school time. My friends are also fond of taking a picture of the picturesque scenery. If I have a chance to do some time, my friends and I sporadically went for wild photography in the southern coastal area or Gyeryoung mountain.
강사 첨삭
Here\'s your edited composition, [이름]!
Cheers,
Jean~~
I usually do many things in my free time, including playing games, watching reality shows on TV, and listening to music.
>> correct
My main hobbies include watching movies, wild photography, and listening to music. So, my hobbies are quite economical.
>> My main hobbies include watching movies, taking wildlife or nature photographs, and listening to music. So, my hobbies are quite economical.
[What, Who] But occasionally, I go to adventurers and wild places for photography. I generally go there with my friends.
>> But occasionally, I go to uninhabited places or the wilderness and go on adventurers for photography. I generally go there with my friends.
[Why] Whenever I go to these places, it costs me a lot because it is far from my house.
>> Going to such places costs me a lot because they are far from my house.
>> or: Going to such places costs me a lot because of the distance.
First, traveling costs amount to about two hundred thousand won.
>> Travel expenses normally amount to about two hundred thousand won.
With some other expenses, additional charges dramatically go up, such as digital cameras and specialized lenses for the cameras.
>> or: With incidental costs, additional charges dramatically go up, such as digital cameras and specialized lenses for the cameras.
I started doing photography during my school time.
>> I started taking an interest in photography during my school days.
My friends are also fond of taking a picture of the picturesque scenery.
>> My friends are also fond of taking pictures of picturesque sceneries.
If I have a chance to do some time, my friends and I sporadically went for wild photography in the southern coastal area or Gyeryoung mountain.
>> Every chance I got, my friends and I sporadically went for nature photography, to the wilderness in particular, in the southern coastal area or Gyeryoung mountain.
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