Expensive activity part 2 #2

2020-12-18 · 첨삭 강사 Jean

학생이 쓴 원문

[How felt] I love the splendid scenery for several reasons. The sheer beauty of the scenery immediately took my breath away when I was in nature. Taking pictures of wild creatures is one of the most valuable adventures. I feel so alive when I capture the unexpected moments of spots and views. That\'s why I think I want to go for it if time permits every year. A Little expensive activity which must be placed in my life because it is a reason for some happiness to me. 1. What kind of expensive things do people like to buy?  I think it varies from person to person, but generally, some people buy luxurious clothes, electronic gadgets, and mobile phones, I-pads, and laptops. The most expensive product that I own a newly released I-pad. Some people want to buy expensive things for showing their status.

강사 첨삭

Here\'s the next edited composition, [이름]! 

Cheers, 
Jean~~

[How felt] I love the splendid scenery for several reasons.
>> correct

 The sheer beauty of the scenery immediately took my breath away when I was in nature. 
>> The sheer beauty of the landscape immediately takes my breath away when I am in the middle of nature. 
>> Note:  It\'s better to use the present tense because this is a general thing for you. It\'s true in the past and still true now. 

Taking pictures of wild creatures is one of the most valuable adventures. 
>> Snapping photos of wild creatures is one of the most valuable adventures. 

I feel so alive when I capture the unexpected moments of spots and views. That\'s why I think I want to go for it if time permits every year.
>> correct

 A Little expensive activity which must be placed in my life because it is a reason for some happiness to me.
>> This activity might be a tad extravagant but I can\'t live without it because it is a source of happiness for me. 

1. What kind of expensive things do people like to buy?
I think it varies from person to person, but generally, some people buy luxurious clothes, electronic gadgets, and mobile phones, I-pads, and laptops.
>> correct

 The most expensive product that I own a newly released I-pad. Some people want to buy expensive things for showing their status.
>>  The most expensive product that I own is a newly released I-pad. Some people want to buy expensive things as a status symbol. 

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