Favorite Magical Adventures

2021-10-09 · 첨삭 강사 Jean

학생이 쓴 원문

Theme : [ESSAY] What\'s your favorite magical adventure movie/drama/book? Why? I think It is . It is about Changdeokgung. A girl named Ju-Ri goes into a fantazi place named \'Moonlight Palace\'. But Mrs.Me-Hua tried to dominate the Moonlight Palace. So, It\'s about Ju-Ri\'s adventure to save the Moonlight Palace. I think the movie is my favorite adbenture movie!

강사 첨삭

Here\'s your edited composition, [이름]!
Thanks for sending it promptly. Enjoy your long weekend, and I\'ll see you again on Monday!

Cheers, 
Jean~~


                  Theme : [ESSAY] What\'s your favorite magical adventure movie/drama/book? Why?


I think It is .
>> I believe your sentence is incomplete. You didn\'t write the name of the movie. 

It is about Changdeokgung.
>> correct~~

A girl named Ju-Ri goes into a fantazi place named \'Moonlight Palace\'.
>> A girl named Ju-Ri goes into a fantasy place named \'Moonlight Palace\'. [Note the correct spelling of the word \"fantasy\".]

But Mrs. [Name]-Hua tried to dominate the Moonlight Palace.
>> But Mrs. [Name]-Hua tried to rule the Moonlight Palace.
>> or:  However, Mrs. [Name]-Hua tried to take control of the Moonlight Palace. 

It\'s about Ju-Ri\'s adventure to save the Moonlight Palace.
>> or: So this movie is about Ju-Ri\'s adventure to save the Moonlight Palace.

I think the movie is my favorite adbenture movie!
>> This movie is probably my favorite adventure movie! [Note the correct spelling of the word \"adventure\".]

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