First impressions
학생이 쓴 원문
When I write essays by computer, I think I write too much... I should practice to express my opinions shortly.
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
The construction of your sentences have definitely improved.
Just take note of redundancy when it comes to your words and ideas.
Learn to simplify more.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Most interviewers try to get information from the interviewees in interviews and first impression is a good way to
figure out of someone’s personality. >> Most interviewers try to get information from interviewees and first impression is a good way to figure out someone’s personality.
However, there are people who do not agree with this idea because of many
reasons.
>> Correct
This essay will discuss whether first impressions are important to people or not and I would express my
opinion as well.
>> Correct
The main reason why people think first impressions are vital to people is that people do not have many hints to know
others other than first impression.
>> The main reason why people think first impressions are vital is that they do not have many hints to know others other than the first impression.
First impression means the first emotion when people meet someone at first with
appearance and communication.
>> First impression means the first emotion when people meet for the first time involving appearance and communication.
When people have first meeting with others, normally people try to communicate
because they do not have information each other.
>> When people meet each other for the first time, they normally try to communicate because they do not have information about each other.
In the communication, people know others’ personality and feel
emotions about others positively or negatively.
>> Through such communication, people would know others’ personality and feel emotions about others which could either be positive or negative.
Moreover, people decide through first impressions whether they will
keep a relationship or not.
>> Correct
Therefore, many people think first impressions are important to people.
>> Therefore, many people think first impressions are important.
However, some people do not agree with this idea.
>> Correct
This is because we can have more chances after a first meeting.
>> Correct
Some shy people do not want to show their personality at once.
>> Correct
They would want to express their opinions or emotions
when they meet several times.
>> They would want to express their opinions or emotions after they have met several times.
Therefore, it is difficult to know someone with a just first meeting.
>> Therefore, it is difficult to know someone with just the first meeting.
This is reason some
companies recruit employees through various ways of interview such as a group interview, dining interview and
presentation.
>> This is the reason some companies recruit employees through various ways of interview such as a group interview, dining interview and presentation.
In my view, first impressions are very important but we should not judge a person with only first impressions.
>> Correct
If we
too much rely on first impressions, we could have many mistakes and wrong decisions.
>> If we rely to much on first impressions, we could make many mistakes and wrong decisions.
When I recommend people to
have boyfriends or girlfriends, I suggest them to see these friends for a year.
>> When I recommend people to have boyfriends or girlfriends, I suggest for them to go out with these friends for a year.
This is because we do not know a person
in short period.
>> This is because we can not know a person in just a short period.
Moreover, we know that time is precious to employers but it is more important to hire good workers
than time.
>> Moreover, we know that time is precious to employers but it is more important to hire good workers.
Therefore, employers should be concerned the recruitment with time.
>> Therefore, employers should be more concerned with recruitment than with time.
In conclusion, we need to develop
our first impressions but we should not judge people with only first impressions.
>> In conclusion, we need to develop our first impressions but we should not judge people with only first impressions.
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