Game
학생이 쓴 원문
Game is one of my favorite hobby when I got a free time. Playing game can make unrealistic situation to feel real. When it comes to say I love games, Some people judge me negatively because they believe game can cause a violent behavior. I strongly can say It\'s not true. Obviously, We should care to being game addictive But we don\'t have to blame game itself.
강사 첨삭
Hi John!
You\'ve made a very good point once again.
Expressions are getting clearer.
Learn how to cut your sentences.
Make them simple and more direct.^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Game is one of my favorite hobby when I got a free time.
>> Playing games is one of my favorite hobbies when I have free time.
Playing game can make unrealistic situation to feel real.
>> Playing games can make unrealistic situations feel real.
When it comes to say I love games, Some people judge me negatively because they believe game can cause a violent behavior.
>> Whenever I say I love games, some people judge me because they believe games can cause violent behavior.
I strongly can say It\'s not true.
>> I firmly believe that it isn\'t true.
Obviously, We should care to being game addictive
>> Obviously, we should take care of ourselves so as not to get addicted.
But we don\'t have to blame game itself.
>> However, we can\'t blame the game itself.
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