graph topic
학생이 쓴 원문
Yes I need to make my sentences shorter and more clear. Thank you always.
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
I appreciate your efforts for our classes and these compositions.
We have already talked about separating your ideas in different sentences.
This rule also applies to this task.
There are expressions that are more suited to explain this graph.
Please take note of them from the corrections below.^^
~ Teacher Sharon
This chart shows how many international tourist travelled in the given five countries in the period
from 1995 to 2010. It illustrates which country was very popular to the tourists and how much the trend
of graph was changed.
>> This chart shows how many tourists traveled internationally in the five given countries from 1995 to 2010.
It illustrates which country was very popular to the tourists and how much the trend
of graph was changed.
>> It illustrates which country was very popular for the tourists and how much the trend had changed over the years.
The most popular country to the tourists was USA, it was 70millions in 1995 and it was consistent the
position during the period, even though the numbers of tourists were slightly decreased from 2005 to
2010.
>> The most popular country for tourists was the USA.
it was 70millions in 1995 and it was consistent the position during the period, even though the numbers of tourists were slightly decreased from 2005 to 2010.
>> 70 million tourists visited the USA in 1995 and this number was consistent during that period even though there was a slight decrease from 2005 to 2010.
The interesting country is France since the graph shows a dramatic increase.
>> The interesting country here is France since the graph shows a dramatic increase in the number of tourists.
It started from
30millions in 1995,
>> It started at 30 million in 1995.
however, it suddenly rose to double of the previous numbers in 2000 and keep rose
to around 85millions, where the same point with USA graph.
>> However, it suddenly rose to double of the previous numbers in 2000 and it kept rising to around 85 million, which was the same number for USA in 2010.
Malaysia, Brazil and Egypt were also the
countries which has increased number of tourists steadily,
>> Malaysia, Brazil and Egypt were also the countries which had a steady increase in the number of tourist arrivals.
however, the gap between Malaysia and the
two countries (Brazil and Egypt) was huge by approximately 10millions.
>> However, there was a huge gap between Malaysia and the other two countries (Brazil and Egypt) by approximately 10 million.
Egypt and Brazil had the same
number of the tourists with around 9millions in 1995, but the more international tourists visited Egypt
than Brazil in 2010.
>> Egypt and Brazil had the same number of tourists at around 9 million in 1995, but more international tourists visited Egypt compared to Brazil in 2010.
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