Hannah, could you check these sentences?

Q : All university students should be required to have at least 2 different part time job experiences. If you have at least two different part time job experiences, you will learn many things such as leadership, responsibility and communication skill. Actually, I am an active person. So I want to experience a lot of things. I get a good communication skill by part time job experiences. Especially, I think communication skill is very important thing in an organization. If you have a good communication skill, you can work more smoothly. For example, when I was an officer, I could lead my platoon efficiently with my good communication skill.

Good morning again Mr. [이름]!

You did actually a wonderful job with this composition.

It\'s just that there are some mix up on your prepositions and you pattern.

We\'ll talk about it later.

See you.

~t. Hannah~

Q : All university students should be required to have at least 2 different part time job experiences.

>> Correct!

If you have at least two different part time job experiences, you will learn many things such as leadership, responsibility and communication skill.

>> If you have at least two different part time jobs, you will learn many things such as, leadership, responsibility and communication skills,

Actually, I am an active person.

>> Correct!

So I want to experience a lot of things.

>> Correct!

I get a good communication skill by part time job experiences.

>> I have a good communication skill with the help of my part time job experiences.

Especially, I think communication skill is very important thing in an organization.
>> I especially think that communication skill is very important in an organization.

If you have a good communication skill, you can work more smoothly.

>> Correct!

For example, when I was an officer, I could lead my platoon efficiently with my good communication skill.  

>>  For example, when I was an officer, I was able to lead my platoon efficiently with my good communication skill.