Have you ever volunteered to help victims of natural disasters? Why or why not?

2021-11-01 · 첨삭 강사 Jasmin

학생이 쓴 원문

Yes, I have. Several years ago, we had an oil spill incident when a huge oil ship was crashed with a sea crane. The oil tank of the oil ship was broken and oil flew out all over the sea at a moment. All the area was covered with spilled oil and became black. On top of that, most sea creatures were found dead near the seashore. That area is one of the popular leisure attractions, and many businesses ran there, too. If the sea were useless, people who made a living by the sea would lose their jobs. Experts said that oil covered with the sea was not easily cleared away and then took several years to remove it completely. When we watched the news, all of us hoped to run there at that moment and help them. Actually, it took more than four years to recover the sea, and locals had difficulty overcoming the disasters. But all of us worked together to make the sea restored soon.

강사 첨삭

HI [이름], thank you for this. Have a great day!
Jasmin 

Yes, I have. Several years ago, we had an oil spill incident when a huge oil ship was crashed with a sea crane
>>Yes, I have. Several years ago. We had an oil spill incident when a huge oil ship crashed into a sea crane. 
The oil tank of the oil ship was broken and oil flew out all over the sea at a moment.
>>The oil tank of the oil ship was broken and oil spilled out all over the sea. 
 All the area was covered with spilled oil and became black. 
>>All the area were covered with oil and it became black.
On top of that, most sea creatures were found dead near the seashore.
>> On top of that, most sea creatures were found dead near the seashore. 
 That area is one of the popular leisure attractions, and many businesses ran there, too.
>>That area is one of the most popular leisure attractions and there were many businesses there too. 
 If the sea were useless, people who made a living by the sea would lose their jobs. 
>>A lot  of people who makes a living in the sea would lose their jobs. 
Experts said that oil covered with the sea was not easily cleared away and then took several years to remove it completely. 
>>Experts said that the sea covered with oil cannot be easily clear or removed. 
When we watched the news, all of us hoped to run there at that moment and help them. 
>>When we watched the news, we all wanted to volunteer to help and clean the sea. 
Actually, it took more than four years to recover the sea, and locals had difficulty overcoming the disasters. 
>>It took four years to recover the sea and locals struggled with their lives for quite some time. 
But all of us worked together to make the sea restored soon.
>But all of us worked together to restore the sea to how it was before. 

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