Health problem nowadays.
학생이 쓴 원문
It is apparent that a growing number of people have trouble staying in shape due to the significant alteration of their lifestyles. Tasks that previously required a lot of human activities become automated and computerized, leading people to have less physical movements unless they consciously work out. Many people get used to the sedentary lifestyle which causes chronic diseases such as obesity and backache. These health problems then again make people to spend more time sitting in a couch or in front of their desks, resulting a negative cycle of one\'s way of life and physical condition. One definite solution for this issue, that everyone knows but few people dare to try, is to exercise regularly. As a matter of fact, technological advances that cause prolonged time of sitting offer people opportunities to become self-regulated as they enjoy more conveniences in daily lives. Consequently, it is necessary for people to tackle their boredom by enabling their idling muscles to work.
강사 첨삭
Good day to you Drexel! Thank you for your effort as always! ^ ^
You haver really improved a lot! Keep on going! ^^
Definitely agree. Our body is designed to be active and not sedentary. We have already seen results of a sedentary lifestyle. It is something that we must give focus and importance to. It\'s just a matter of choice! ^^ But, I have to admit though, that it\'s quite easy to say but hard to do! ^ ^
-Teacher Jedah
>>CORRECT
Tasks that previously required a lot of human activities become automated and computerized, leading people to have less physical movements unless they consciously work out.
>>CORRECT
Many people get used to the sedentary lifestyle which causes chronic diseases such as obesity and backache.
>>CORRECT (OR: Many people have become accustomed to a sedentary lifestyle leading them to acquiring chronic diseases such as obesity and backache.)
These health problems then again make people to spend more time sitting in a couch or in front of their desks, resulting a negative cycle of one\'s way of life and physical condition.
>>CORRECT (...resulting to a negative...)
One definite solution for this issue, that everyone knows but few people dare to try, is to exercise regularly.
>>CORRECT
As a matter of fact, technological advances that cause prolonged time of sitting offer people opportunities to become self-regulated as they enjoy more conveniences in daily lives.
>>CORRECT
Consequently, it is necessary for people to tackle their boredom by enabling their idling muscles to work.
>>CORRECT
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