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2015-06-22 · 첨삭 강사 Jane

학생이 쓴 원문

When I started my first job, I had realised that English speaking skill is very important at work. So, I determined to leave for UK to improve my English skill. But, the life in London was not easy. Even I had felt that I wanted to give up staying. Because I had hard time getting familiar with the different culture and life style.However, I changed my mind, because I knew that If I beat this time, I should grow up more and more when I look back myself in future.At the result, I could get along with good foreign friends. From time to time, I earned some money through part time job and I was able to look around the Europe. In the travel, I could have more confidence to give a challenge something new. Even I experienced various of culture ㅛand get wide knowledge .One of my strong point is thoroughness. One of my strong point is thoroughness. To avoid a mistake, I have a habit which is, I always check what I am doing before.

강사 첨삭

Hi there, Mr. [Name]!

Thank you for your composition today! You\'re really eager to submit your application to other companies. I wish you good luck. Here are some suggestions for your writing. Take care and talk to you later!

T. JanE ^^

 

When I started my first job, I had realised that English speaking skill is very important at work.

>> Correct

So, I determined to leave for UK to improve my English skill.

>> Correct

But, the life in London was not easy.

>> But life in London was not easy. 

Even I had felt that I wanted to give up staying. Because I had hard time getting familiar with the different culture and life style.

>> I had even felt like giving up on staying because I had a hard time getting familiar with the different culture and lifestyle. 

However, I changed my mind, because I knew that If I beat this time, I should grow up more and more when I look back myself in future.

>> However, I changed my mind, because I knew that if I beat this time, I would grow up more in the future when I look back at myself. 

At the result, I could get along with good foreign friends.

>> As a result, I could get along with good foreign friends. 

From time to time, I earned some money through part time job and I was able to look around the Europe.

>> From time to time, I earned some money through a part time job, and I was able to look around Europe. 

In the travel, I could have more confidence to give a challenge something new.

>> I gained more confidence by traveling.

Even I experienced various of culture ㅛand get wide knowledge .

>> I even experienced various culture and acquired more knowledge. 

One of my strong point is thoroughness.

>> One of my strong points is thoroughness. 

To avoid a mistake, I have a habit which is, I always check what I am doing before.

>> To avoid making a mistake, I have a habit of checking what I have to do. 

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