Hello Lirah,
학생이 쓴 원문
I went to climb Mt. Oyama on Sunday. I's little bit worried because the weather wasn't good until Friday night. But today was really nice. When I went the meeting place at 7:10 AM, several students already had gathered. I arrived in there earlier than others. It isn't happening. After ten minutes, all participant were gathered. We started to climb Mt. Oyama at 10:30. It's not as rough as Mt. Jiri, but it's not easy to climb because I don't exercise at all these days. Today, especially the sky was so beautiful. Mia and I really like a blue sky. We screamed whenever we see the sky, and took a picture. Oh, I really want to show you my pictures. Okay, I'll upload a picture when I write an epilogue after this month's lesson. Anyway, I'm sorry that it's not enough space to write today's event.
강사 첨삭
Dear [Name],
I'm happy to hear about your adventure! I have a very good imagination so with your description I can paint a picture in my mind. The weather is indeed perfect and it is a great time to go hiking and mountain climbing. I can't wait to see your pictures but I will be patient! I can feel that you tried to talk with your classmates using English. Great job!
Sincerely,
LirahI went to climb Mt. Oyama on Sunday. >>Today is Sunday and I went mountain climbing at Mt. Oyama with other students.I's little bit worried because the weather wasn't good until Friday night. >>I was a little bit worried because the weather wasn't good until Friday night.But today was really nice. >>But the weather today was really nice.When I went the meeting place at 7:10 AM, several students already had gathered.>>When I went to the meeting place at 7:10 AM, several students already had gathered. I arrived in there earlier than others. It isn't happening. >>Arriving in there earlier than the others is not usual for me.
>>I don't usually arrive at a meeting place earlier than the others.After ten minutes, all participant were gathered. >>After ten minutes, all participants were gathered.We started to climb Mt. Oyama at 10:30. >>CorrectIt's not as rough as Mt. Jiri, but it's not easy to climb because I don't exercise at all these days. >>CorrectToday, especially the sky was so beautiful. >>Today, the sky was especially so beautiful.Mia and I really like a blue sky. >>Mia and I really like blue skies.We screamed whenever we see the sky, and took a picture. >>We screamed whenever we see the sky, and we took some pictures.Oh, I really want to show you my pictures. >>CorrectOkay, I'll upload a picture when I write an epilogue after this month's lesson.>>CorrectAnyway, I'm sorry that it's not enough space to write today's event.>>Anyway, I'm sorry that the space it not enough to write the events today.
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