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학생이 쓴 원문
In my view, everyone has their own rights for the private life. I know the celebrities can earn lots of money and many benefits. Despite this, Their rights have to protect from citizens. Nowadays, there are many suffering celebrities because of too much interestes by others. Also, something bad situations were happened like suicide. Now, we should know their pain and hard. I hope public people to accept that famous people have rights for their own time.
강사 첨삭
Hi Jay!
Good job in organizing your sentences.
They are clear and direct.
Your mistakes are more on vocabulary, prepositions and articles.
Review those.
Good job!^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
In my view, everyone has their own rights for the private life.
>> In my view, everyone has their own rights to a private life.
I know the celebrities can earn lots of money and many benefits.
>> I know that celebrities can earn lots of money and they get many benefits.
Despite this, Their rights have to protect from citizens.
>> Despite this, their rights must be respected by citizens.
Nowadays, there are many suffering celebrities because of too much interestes by others.
>> Nowadays, there are many celebrities suffering because of too much interest from others.
Also, something bad situations were happened like suicide.
>> There are also bad situations that can happen like suicide.
Now, we should know their pain and hard.
>> Now, we should know their pain and difficulties.
I hope public people to accept that famous people have rights for their own time.
>> I hope the public could accept that famous people have rights to their personal time.
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