Hi~

Hi [이름]!

Happy Thursday!

We only left one day before weekends.

Are you excited?

Anyway, thank you for doing your homework.

You did a good composition.

However, don\'t forget to address your letter to the receiver.

What I mean is that you should also write something like this, \"Hi my friend!\"

In addition, don\'t forget to put your name at the end of your letter.

Also, don\'t forget to check some corrections and suggestions below.

Have a great day tomorrow!

See you in our class!

... Teacher Paula ... ^.~

Hello~

>> CORRECT!

>> OR: Hello!

I\'m [이름][이름]!

>> I\'m [이름]!

>> OR: I\'m [이름].

I\'m 22 years old.

>> CORRECT!

>> OR: I\'m 22 years of age.

My major is fine art.

>> My major is Fine Arts.

I took a year off from my university and I\'m studying visual design in an academy.

>> I took a year off from my university and I\'m studying Visual Design in an academy.

I want to be a Visual Merchadiser who direct band\'s all visual elements.

>> I want to be a Visual Merchandiser who directs band\'s all visual elements.

In my spare time, I like to go to shopping mall, and read magazines, books.

>> In my spare time, I like to go to shopping malls and read magazines and books.

What I\'m challenging now is to be an outgoing person.

>> What I\'m challenged now is to be an outgoing person.

To be like that, I have to meet many various people and make many experiences!

>> CORRECT!

>> To be like that, I have to meet various people and make a lot of experiences.

It\'s a little bit hard, but someday I can be a really active person.

>> CORRECT!