Hi, Ally.

2019-09-09 · 첨삭 강사 Ally

학생이 쓴 원문

HOMEWORK FOR TODAY: Since Korea has a very strict military conscription law, what main problems do gays have in the military? Korea is carrying out conscription system due to special environment, so a healthy man must be obliged to spend about two years of military life when he becomes an adult. But gayls have not been a problem in military life so far, but as human rights become important, these days it is sometimes an issue. I think homosexuals should be equally recognized and given convenience in military life, like heterosexuals, but I think it is difficult in reality. The military needs hard training and a life always prepared for a crisis, so I think personal life should be refrained from a lot. I think that the fundamental measures should be changed to the volunteer system as soon as possible in Korea, so that the strong military and unemployment rate can be solved at the same time.

강사 첨삭

Hi sir Son. ^^


Great composition!

Thank you for enlightening me regarding these issues in Korea.

Continue making great compositions. ^^



~t. Ally



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Korea is carrying out conscription system due to special environment, so a healthy man must be obliged to spend about two years of military life when he becomes an adult.

>> Korea is carrying the out conscription system due to the special environment, so a healthy man must be obliged to spend about two years of military life when he becomes an adult.


 But gayls have not been a problem in military life so far, but as human rights become important, these days it is sometimes an issue.

>> But gays have not been a problem in military life so far, but as human rights become important, these days it is sometimes an issue.


 I think homosexuals should be equally recognized and given convenience in military life, like heterosexuals, but I think it is difficult in reality.

>> CORRECT!


 The military needs hard training and a life always prepared for a crisis, so I think personal life should be refrained from a lot.

>> People in the military need hard training and a lifestyle wherein they are always prepared for a crisis, so I think their personal lives have to be compartmentalized a lot.


 I think that the fundamental measures should be changed to the volunteer system as soon as possible in Korea, so that the strong military and unemployment rate can be solved at the same time.

>> CORRECT!

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