Hi Gemmar

2022-09-23 · 첨삭 강사 Gemma

학생이 쓴 원문

ESSAY: In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents often claim that these ads are unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion. I can see many advertisements for children\'s goods. And I oftenly find that children are crying for asking to buy toys or snacks at a market. It is a natural reaction that parents complain to the companies but I think that parents cannot claim that these ads are unfair. In the sights of marketing, companies have to sell their products whether these are for children or adults. How about this way? Parents permit children to buy things which children ask if children obey and accomplish the goal that parents ask. Have a nice weeken ^^

강사 첨삭

Hi again Ms. [이름]! I\'m trying to imagine how would my motherhood be if I were to have a child. But, I\'m excited to have one! My husband said he would give everything to our child to be which is opposite to what I\'m thinking. You and I have the same mind. I wouldn\'t give anything if the child won\'t do his responsibilities too! I think a 3 or 4 year old toddler could already do simple help. ;) Have a great weekend too!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
I can see many advertisements for children\'s goods.
>>> CORRECT
And I oftenly find that children are crying for asking to buy toys or snacks at a market.
>>> And I often find children crying and asking to buy toys or snacks at the market.
It is a natural reaction that parents complain to the companies but I think that parents cannot claim that these ads are unfair.
>>> It is a natural reaction that parents would complain to the companies but I think  parents cannot claim that these ads are unfair.
In the sights of marketing, companies have to sell their products whether these are for children or adults.
>>> CORRECT
How about this way?
>>> CORRECT
Parents permit children to buy things which children ask if children obey and accomplish the goal that parents ask.
>>> Parents will permit  their children to buy things which they ask if their children will obey and accomplish the goal that parents ask them to do. ( THIS IS A GOOD IDEA! HAHAHA! )
Have a nice weekend ^^
>>> CORRECT

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