Hobby, What made you choose your university?

2012-11-08 · 첨삭 강사 Sheela

학생이 쓴 원문

Hobby My hobby is singing a song. I like music, from childhood. Especially, when I got stressed, I usually go karaoke. In karaoke, I use my all power in my song. After that I manage to my stress. What made you choose your university? I chose my university because of two thing. First, my university is famous of engineering in Korea. Second, in Korea my major is rare. So, I chose my university because I learn my major. My major is Industrial engineering. I chose my major because of Taylor. He thought incentive system. But, his system think worker like robot. So, I make Incentive system plus sensitive system. And my major combined with management and engineering. Therefore, I can apply for every industry. Because of these things, I chose my university and my major. Please check my sentences.

강사 첨삭

Hello there! Thank you for taking time in making your composition.  I enjoyed reading it.

Below are the corrections I made for you. Should you have questions about your composition, you can always ask them in class. Have a nice day! ^_^

- Teacher Rowena -

Hobby
My hobby is singing a song.

>>Correct. OR>>My hobby is singing.

I like music, from childhood.

>>I have liked music since childhood.

Especially, when I got stressed, I usually go karaoke.

>>I usually go to the karaoke especially when I get stressed.

In karaoke, I use my all power in my song.

>>In the karaoke, I can use all my power when I sing.

After that I manage to my stress.
>>After that, my stress is gone.
What made you choose your university?
I chose my university because of two thing.

>>I chose my university for two reasons.

First, my university is famous of engineering in Korea.

>>First, my university is famous for its engineering major in Korea.

Second, in Korea my major is rare.

>>Correct.

So, I chose my university because I learn my major.

>>So I chose my university because of my major.

My major is Industrial engineering.

>>Correct.

I chose my major because of Taylor.

>>Correct.

He thought incentive system.

>>He thought of the incentive system.

But, his system think worker like robot.

>>But his system treats workers like robots.

So, I make Incentive system plus sensitive system.

>>So I will make an incentive system plus sensitive system.

And my major combined with management and engineering.

>>And my major is a combination of management and engineering.

Therefore, I can apply for every industry.

>>Therefore, I can apply to any industry.
Because of these things, I chose my university and my major.

>>Correct.
Please check my sentences.

>>Correct.

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