homework 06.11

2024-06-11 · 첨삭 강사 Camille

학생이 쓴 원문

~ Writing Task: Please answer the question: How important is it to keep our eyes healthy? Why? Our body have sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch. Among them, I think vision is the most important sensor of the body. I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if this parts problem occurs. But, our eyes are the weakest body parts. So we need to do checkups often. Unfortunately, getting old and usually people get presbyopia and cataracts. That\'s why many people do eyes surgery. So I think it\'s important do our body checkup for eyes healthy and our healthy.

강사 첨삭

Hi, [이름]!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
How important is it to keep our eyes healthy? Why?

Our body have sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch.

>> Our body has 5 senses: the sense of sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch.

Among them, I think vision is the most important sensor of the body.

>> CORRECT!

I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if this parts problem occurs.

>> I think aside from vision, other sensory parts of the body can be replaced, if these parts experience some problems.

But, our eyes are the weakest body parts.

>> But, our eyes are the weakest among the body parts.

So we need to do checkups often.

>> CORRECT!

Unfortunately, getting old and usually people get presbyopia and cataracts.

>> Unfortunately, getting old, people usually get presbyopia and cataracts.

That\'s why many people do eyes surgery.

>> That\'s why many people do eye surgeries.

OR >> That\'s why many people undergo eye surgeries.

So I think it\'s important do our body checkup for eyes healthy and our healthy.

>> So I think it\'s important do our body checkup, for our eyes\' health and our health in general.

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