homework 08.01

2023-08-02 · 첨삭 강사 Camille

학생이 쓴 원문

~ Writing Task: Please answer the question: Do you think there are issues with privacy and social networking sites like Instagram and Facebook? We can know various news, information, and how to live our friends through the social media/networking. But, these days there are issues that come from the social media platform. Even them, crimes such as stalk someone people also happen through of privacy. In addition, I feel that the social media/networking worlds are battlefield in these days. For example, more people believe in the wrong information. If I post a comment \"Your information is wrong.\" that, will be begins the comment battle. Later, they insult at the profile picture\'s or they find their job, place of residence, and they insult childishly. So, I don\'t post comments on social media to avoid these battle. Fighting through the Internet world is something that makes tired only me. It\'s not good health to live in the internet world.

강사 첨삭

Good day, [이름]!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

>> We can know various news, information, and how to keep in touch with our friends through the social media/networking sites.

But, these days there are issues that come from the social media platform.

>> But, these days, there are issues that come from social media platforms.

Even them, crimes such as stalk someone people also happen through of privacy.

>> Even now, crimes such as stalking someone also happen through lack of privacy.

In addition, I feel that the social media/networking worlds are battlefield in these days.

>> In addition, I feel that the social media/networking worlds are a battlefield these days.

For example, more people believe in the wrong information.

>> For example, more people believe in wrong information.

OR >> For example, more people believe in false pieces of information.

If I post a comment \"Your information is wrong.\" that, will be begins the comment battle.

>> If I post a comment \"Your information is wrong\", that starts a keyboard war.

Later, they insult at the profile picture\'s or they find their job, place of residence, and they insult childishly.

>> Later, they insult the owner\'s profile pictures, that person\'s job, place of residence, and they insult that person childishly.

So, I don\'t post comments on social media to avoid these battle.

>> So, I don\'t post comments on social media to avoid these battles.

Fighting through the Internet world is something that makes tired only me.

>> Fighting through the internet is something that makes me tired.

It\'s not good health to live in the internet world.

>> Living in the internet world is not good for our mental and physical health.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기