homework 08.28

2023-08-28 · 첨삭 강사 Camille

학생이 쓴 원문

~ Writing Task: Please answer the question: What kinds of social problems does alcohol cause in your country? The reason why many Koreans drink is because they drink together to get close to friends or other people and to reduce stress. I also think it\'s good to drink moderately on my body. But, there have been many accidents because alcohol in Korea. I think In modern Korean social problem is get-together culture in company. After work some people want to go home and take a rest. But, someone boss, doesn\'t understand take a rest after work, and forces to company staff to have a get-together. And, they are every day say this \"A company dinner is also an extension of work\". So, many young people dislike company dinner. Also, If I don\'t go there often, some companies make me bullying or they give me a negative effect on promotion. Fortunately, these days it\'s reduce these culture. I don\'t understand these culture and I think It\'s need to disappear.

강사 첨삭

Good day, [이름]!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What kinds of social problems does alcohol cause in your country?

The reason why many Koreans drink is because they drink together to get close to friends or other people and to reduce stress.
>> CORRECT!
I also think it\'s good to drink moderately on my body.
>> I also think it\'s good to drink moderately for my body.
But, there have been many accidents because alcohol in Korea.
>> But, there have been many accidents because of alcohol in Korea.
I think In modern Korean social problem is get-together culture in company.
>> I think in today\'s modern society, the Korean social problem is the get-together culture in the company.
After work some people want to go home and take a rest.
>> CORRECT!
But, someone boss, doesn\'t understand take a rest after work, and forces to company staff to have a get-together.
>> But, some bosses don\'t understand that\'s important to take a rest after work, but instead he forces company staff to have a get-together.
And, they are every day say this \"A company dinner is also an extension of work\".
>> And, they say this every day:  \"A company dinner is also an extension of work\".
So, many young people dislike company dinner.
>> So, many young people dislike company dinners.
Also, If I don\'t go there often, some companies make me bullying or they give me a negative effect on promotion.
>> Also, if I don\'t go there often, some companies would bully their subordinates or they can give a negative effect on the promotion.
Fortunately, these days it\'s reduce these culture.
>> Fortunately, these days, this culture has been avoided.
I don\'t understand these culture and I think It\'s need to disappear.
>> I don\'t understand these cultures and I think it needs to disappear.

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