homework 09.21

2023-09-21 · 첨삭 강사 Camille

학생이 쓴 원문

~ Writing Task: Please answer the question: What health problems do you worry about most? There are many kinds of diseases in the body. Among the diseases, I most worried about cancer. In now, Medical technology is much better developed than past. Nevertheless, cancer is also still one of the worst diseases. Becasue, this diseases still make a dies many people. In my experience, people around me, had a lot of caner. But, they don\'t have a bad health habits. So, I think, cancer is scary and strange. Because, may I get sick even if I don\'t have a bad habit for my health. I want to live a healthy life in the future.

강사 첨삭

Good day, [이름]!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What health problems do you worry about most?


There are many kinds of diseases in the body.
>> CORRECT!
Among the diseases, I most worried about cancer.
>> Among the diseases, I am most worried about cancer.
In now, Medical technology is much better developed than past.
>> Currently, medical technology is more developed than in the past.
Nevertheless, cancer is also still one of the worst diseases.
>> CORRECT!
Becasue, this diseases still make a dies many people.
>> It\'s because this disease makes many people suffer and die.
In my experience, people around me, had a lot of caner.
>> In my experience, some people around me had cancer.
OR >> In my experience, some people around me suffer cancer.
But, they don\'t have a bad health habits.
>> CORRECT!
So, I think, cancer is scary and strange.
>> CORRECT!
Because, may I get sick even if I don\'t have a bad habit for my health.
>> That\'s because I can still get sick even if I don\'t have bad health habits.
I want to live a healthy life in the future.
>> CORRECT!

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