Homework 1

Hello [이름]!

On this essay, I want you to concentrate on the us of pronouns.

That will help you to avoid repeating the same terms and expressions.

It will make your wok more comprehensive and clear.

Good luck!^^

~~ Teacher Sharon

Many experts are conerning that whether schools are merely turning children into good citizens and workers.

>> Many experts are concerned that schools are merely turning children into good citizens and workers.

This essay will discuss this idea and give my opinion.

>> This essay will discuss this idea and I will give my opinion.
On the one hand, some people say that schools are only turning children into good citizens and workers because that is schools\' work.

>> On the one hand, some people say that schools are only turning children into good citizens and workers because that is their responsibility.

This is because schools should make people who will follow rules in society.

>> This is because schools should teach people to follow rules in society.

If schools can\'t teach how to be a good person, the society will break down.

>> If schools can\'t teach people how to be good, the society will break down.

For example, 60% of people who didn\'t finish basic education showed more violence and crime rate than people who finished basic education.

>> For example, 60% of people who didn\'t finish basic education showed a higher tendency for violence and crime than people who did finish. 

Therefore, it it clear that making children to be a good peorson is the most important work of schools than providing benefit to students as individuals.

>> Therefore, it it clear that teaching children to be good people is the most important work of schools than providing benefit to students as individuals.