Homework 1
학생이 쓴 원문
It is commonly believed that physical appearance has a significant impact on people\'s lives because people who have a attractive appearance can obtain more opportunities. I also agree with this idea, and I consider that this phenomenon is a negative factor in society.
Firstly, many people insist that people who have a attractive appearance can acquire more opportunities in many areas. In particular, there are some jobs like singers and actors that can be affected by one’s appearance in hiring process. For example, a survey has shown that 60% of Korean young people consider that doing diet or having a plastic surgery for their appearance due to getting a better occupation in society. In this respect, physical appearance can play a important role in many areas of life because people who have a ideal appearance can acquire more chances in work places.
강사 첨삭
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~~ Teacher Sharon
It is commonly believed that physical appearance has a significant impact on people\'s lives because people who have a attractive appearance can obtain more opportunities. >> It is commonly believed that physical appearance has a significant impact on people\'s lives because people who have an attractive appearance can obtain more opportunities.
I also agree with this idea, and I consider that this phenomenon is a negative factor in society.
>> Correct
Firstly, many people insist that people who have a attractive appearance can acquire more opportunities in many areas.
Firstly, many people insist that people who have a attractive appearance can acquire more opportunities in many areas.
>> Firstly, many people insist that people who have an attractive appearance can acquire more opportunities in many areas.
In particular, there are some jobs like singers and actors that can be affected by one’s appearance in hiring process.
>> In particular, there are some jobs like singers and actors that can be affected by one’s appearance in the hiring process.
For example, a survey has shown that 60% of Korean young people consider that doing diet or having a plastic surgery for their appearance due to getting a better occupation in society.
>> For example, a survey has shown that 60% of Korean young people consider going on a diet or having plastic surgery to get a better occupation in society.
In this respect, physical appearance can play a important role in many areas of life because people who have a ideal appearance can acquire more chances in work places.
>> In this respect, physical appearance can play an important role in many areas of life because people who have an ideal appearance can acquire more chances in work places.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.