Homework 1

2019-04-16 · 첨삭 강사 Sharon

학생이 쓴 원문

It is a well-known fact that the average weight of people is increasing while the level of health and fitness are decreasing in some countries. I believe that a ever-chaning world causes this phenomenon, and this will be solved by the government. It is true that today\'s people don\'t have time to work out because they have to work or study harder than doing exercise. This is because living in a ever-changing world means that people have to follow changes, so people should work or study hard to outperform than others. In this respect, people don\'t have enough time to work out and to eat. So, they often choose to eat fast food since they can eat in relatively short time. For example, many experts consistently say that 70% of Korean people work overtime more than twice a week and those people are likely to become obese. Therefore, it is clear that heavy workload and study cause this phenomenon because there is no way to success without giving up their free time.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]!
There are some minor concerns that you have to take note of.
Look at the subject and verb agreement and the proper use of articles.
Take note of the proper use of nouns and verbs including their correct forms.
Pay attention to the little details that will make a whole lot of difference.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
It is a well-known fact that the average weight of people is increasing while the level of health and fitness are decreasing in some countries. 
>> It is a well-known fact that the average weight of people is increasing while the level of health and fitness is decreasing in some countries. 
I believe that a ever-chaning world causes this phenomenon, and this will be solved by the government.
>> I believe that an ever-changing world causes this phenomenon, and this will be solved by the government.
It is true that today\'s people don\'t have time to work out because they have to work or study harder than doing exercise. 
>> It is true that today\'s people don\'t have time to work out because they have to work or study harder than exercise. 
This is because living in a ever-changing world means that people have to follow changes, so people should work or study hard to outperform than others. 
>> This is because living in an ever-changing world means that people have to adapt to changes, so people should work or study hard to outperform others. 
In this respect, people don\'t have enough time to work out and to eat. 
>> Correct
So, they often choose to eat fast food since they can eat in relatively short time. 
>> So, they often choose to eat fast food since they can eat in a relatively short time. 
For example, many experts consistently say that 70% of Korean people work overtime more than twice a week and those people are likely to become obese. 
>> Correct
Therefore, it is clear that heavy workload and study cause this phenomenon because there is no way to success without giving up their free time.
>> Therefore, it is clear that heavy workload and study cause this phenomenon because there is no way to succeed without giving up their free time.

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