Homework 1
학생이 쓴 원문
It is true that many children work to earn money in many areas of the world. Some people argue that working as a child is a valuable experience. However, I don\'t agree with this idea because most working children are exploited in their work place.
Some people believe that working as a child is a good experience because it helps children to understand the value of money. Many education experts have consistently said that allowing children to earn money by small works like doing house chores and cleaning their desk helps them to grow the spirit of independence. And those children show higher accomplishment in their school. Therefore, it is clear that working as a child can be a great experience because it helps children to understand the value of money by doing small works and to grow the spirit of independence.
강사 첨삭
Hi [이름]!
Good job on your sentences.
The quality has already improved.
The last sentence can stand some editing.
You can use other words to summarize your ideas.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Some people believe that working as a child is a good experience because it helps children to understand the value of money. >> Correct
Many education experts have consistently said that allowing children to earn money by small works like doing house chores and cleaning their desk helps them to grow the spirit of independence.
>> Many education experts have consistently said that allowing children to earn money through small jobs like doing house chores and cleaning their desks helps them to develop the spirit of independence.
And those children show higher accomplishment in their school.
>> Those children show higher accomplishments in school.
Therefore, it is clear that working as a child can be a great experience because it helps children to understand the value of money by doing small works and to grow the spirit of independence.
>> Therefore, it is clear that working as a child can be a great experience because it helps children to understand the value of money through small jobs and to develop the spirit of independence.
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