Homework 1

2019-06-19 · 첨삭 강사 Sharon

학생이 쓴 원문

Many people are struggling to pay back their debts to banks because they use their credit cards excessively and irresponsibly. Therefore, banks should not provide credit card until they prove their ability to pay back their debts. Personally, I totally agree with this idea because today\'s people don\'t think that using credit card is as same as using cash. Firstly, banks earn money be receiving people\'s interest. In other words, if people don\'t pay their interest to banks every month, banks can\'t earn money. So, people who want to loan money from banks should make sure that they can pay back their debts in a given time. For example, a survey has shown that around 20% of Korean people can\'t afford their interest because they often use their credit cards spontaneously. This example clearly shows that banks should borrow their money to people who can prove their ability to earn money.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]!
It\'s nice to see you writing again.
I know you can be better this time around.
I wish you luck in your current journey.
Keep working hard.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Many people are struggling to pay back their debts to banks because they use their credit cards excessively and irresponsibly. 
>> Correct
Therefore, banks should not provide credit card until they prove their ability to pay back their debts. 
>> Therefore, banks should not approve a credit card until they prove their ability to pay back their debts. 
Personally, I totally agree with this idea because today\'s people don\'t think that using credit card is as same as using cash. 
>> Personally, I totally agree with this idea because today\'s people don\'t think that using credit cards is the same as using cash. 
Firstly, banks earn money be receiving people\'s interest. 
>> Firstly, banks earn money because of the interest imposed on credit.
In other words, if people don\'t pay their interest to banks every month, banks can\'t earn money. 
>> In other words, if people don\'t pay the interest to banks every month, banks can\'t earn money. 
So, people who want to loan money from banks should make sure that they can pay back their debts in a given time. 
>> So, people who want to take out a loan should make sure that they can pay back their debts in a given time. 
For example, a survey has shown that around 20% of Korean people can\'t afford their interest because they often use their credit cards spontaneously. 
>> For example, a survey has shown that around 20% of Korean people can\'t afford the interest because they often use their credit cards carelessly. 
This example clearly shows that banks should borrow their money to people who can prove their ability to earn money.
>> This example clearly shows that banks should lend their money to people who can prove their ability to earn money.

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