Homework!
학생이 쓴 원문
Please check the file!Thank you~
강사 첨삭
Good morning [이름]!
Thank you for your effort^^
3/3
I think that what movitaves me is passion.
>>> I think it is passion that motivates me.
I want to be a better person so I have tried to do things which is related to my major studying, chemical engineer or reading books for developing myself.
>>> I wanted to be a better person, so I tried to study related to my major, to chemical engineers, or to do things related to reading books to improve myself.
For example I got a certification about chemical engineering and I read books about success.
>>> For example, I got a certificate of chemical engineering and read a book about success.
This passion makes me to live harder and go ahead in my life.
>>> This passion makes me live harder and makes me live my life harder.
Plus, when I through tough situations, I reminded me that control what I can control and my passion keeps in me.
>>> Furthermore, when I was in a tough situation, I was reminded that I controlled what I could control and kept my passion.
3/4
I assure that I can contribute to improve semi condctor\'s process.
>>> I assure that I can contribute in improving the semiconductor\'s process.
Because I have studied a semi condutor\'s process relating to chemical knowledge.
>>> Because I studied semiconductor process.
Plus I did an intern in a company that is related to production precess team.
>>> In addition, I was an intern at a company related to the production process team.
So I think that it is helpful your company too.
>>> So I think it helps your company, too.
And I have worked with others well like student council or music band club.
>>> CORRECT!
I think that semi conductor\'s processes are continual prcoess and cooperation with others is essential for worker.
>>> The semiconductor process is a continuous process, and I think cooperation with others is essential for workers.
I think that I am absolutely suitable these work.
>>> I think that I am absolutely suitable for this job.
3/5
I want to get a salary that is about 45 million won.
>>> CORRECT!
OR: I\'d like to get a salary of about 45 million won.
But I careless about it if I can learn many things about work.
>>> But I do care less about the salary if I can learn many things at work.
And my priority is that I can do what I work using my chemical engineering knowledge.
>>> And my priority is that I can do what I do using my knowledge of chemical engineering.
So salary is secondary priority.
>>> The salary is my secondary priority.
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