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2021-03-09 · 첨삭 강사 Kate

학생이 쓴 원문

2021.3.5.FRI

강사 첨삭

Hello Claire!

Wow I can see your effort in this composition! Thanks for your effort and keep up the great work! ^^

~~Teacher Kate


We use the internet to find information, but also, we use the internet to entertain ourselves.

>>CORRECT!

And there are many ways to entertain ourselves on the internet.

>>CORRECT!

Such as games, videos, and social media.

>>CORRECT!

These entertainments are made up on the internet.

>>These forms of entertainment are made up on the internet.

We can play games and share strategies to win games with other people.

>>CORRECT!

Watch videos and write comments, or sometimes we produce our own videos.

>>We can watch videos and write comments, or sometimes we produce our own videos.

Social media, for upload our life pictures and share with others or share our ideas with other users.

>>Social media is for uploading our life pictures and share them with others or share our ideas with other users.

Every internet entertainment is fun but sometimes these entertainments might be dangerous.

>>Every form of entertainment on the internet is fun but sometimes these might be dangerous.

Factors that threaten our entertainment are vicious links, programs, fake news, and low-quality computer security programs.

>>Factors that threaten our security are vicious links, programs, fake news, and low-quality computer security programs.

Sometimes we can see suspicious links and programs getting around on the internet.

>>CORRECT!

We must not click them even by the mistakes.

>>We must not click them even by the mistake.

We don’t know these suspicious links and programs are safe or not.

>>We don’t know if these suspicious links and programs are safe or not.

We can be infected by a computer virus or hacking program that might hack our personal information.

>>CORRECT!

To prevent these accidents, we need to look out every time we use the internet. Fake news is also a major problem in our society.

>>CORRECT!

Some people are troubled with fake news. Anyone can be the target of fake newsmakers.

>>CORRECT!

The only thing that we can do about fake news is not to make fake news and not to spread them to the public.

>>CORRECT!

Lastly, the low-quality computer security program. 

>>Lastly, we have the low-quality computer security program. 

The low-quality computer security program is also a deadly problem.

>>CORRECT!

If we download the low-quality computer security program for the only reason that it’s cheaper than the other computer security programs, that’s a bad reason for downloading.

>>If we only download the low-quality computer security program just because it’s cheaper than the other computer security programs, then that’s a bad reason for downloading.

There are no free things in the world.

>>CORRECT!

We need to pay for it somehow.

>>CORRECT!

There is a reason that low-quality computer security program is cheaper than others.

>>CORRECT!

For example, it’s cheap but it doesn’t protect our computers that much as other programs.

>>For example, it’s cheap but it doesn’t protect our computers as much as other programs.

If we use the internet correctly, the internet can be a good appliance for our life.

>>If we use the internet correctly, the internet can be a good tool we can you in life.

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