homework 12.12

2023-12-12 · 첨삭 강사 Camille

학생이 쓴 원문

~ Writing Task: Please answer the question: What is the worst thing about computers? Thanks to the development and personalization of computers, many people\'s lifestyles also changed. There are many jobs the use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobby. But, I think anything can\'t always have advantages. As an example, these days there are many crimes using computers have increased. The hackers are stealing other people\'s money or information, even them doing commit fraud. Except for the above example, there are many various kinds of crimes using computers. There are even people around me had been big money scammed. Swindler really need to disappear in the world.

강사 첨삭

Hi, [이름]!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

~ Writing Task:
Please answer the question:
What is the worst thing about computers?

Thanks to the development and personalization of computers, many people\'s lifestyles also changed.

>> CORRECT!
There are many jobs the use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobby.

>> There are many jobs that use computers and we can also enjoy various kinds of hobbies.

But, I think anything can\'t always have advantages.

>> CORRECT!
As an example, these days there are many crimes using computers have increased.

>> As an example, crimes these days that use computers have increased.

The hackers are stealing other people\'s money or information, even them doing commit fraud.

>> The hackers are stealing other people\'s money or information, even them doing commit fraud.

Except for the above example, there are many various kinds of crimes using computers.

>> Except for the examples above, there are various kinds of crimes using computers.

There are even people around me had been big money scammed.

>> There are even people around me who have been scammed with a big amount of money.

Swindler really need to disappear in the world.

>> Swindlers really need to disappear in the world.

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