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2022-08-03 · 첨삭 강사 Sharon

학생이 쓴 원문

I think a overpopulated world is too bad to me. I don’t like somewhere noisy or overpopulated. I feel heaviness when I’m on that places. For this reason, overpopulated world is not good to me. That world is always noisy, frustrating, and not clean. Therefore, I can’t stay long time on that world. I like some places that clean, not noisy, and can feel fresh air like park. I like some places overpopulated, and many musics play on, too. But I go that places just often.

강사 첨삭

Hi Bella!
Thank you for giving your opinion today.
You have tried your best to express your thoughts in the sentences.
I hope you will continue putting in the effort in your classes.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
I think a overpopulated world is too bad to me. 
>> In my opinion, an overpopulated world is really bad.
I don’t like somewhere noisy or overpopulated. 
>> Correct
I feel heaviness when I’m on that places. 
>> I feel burdened when I’m in those places. 
For this reason, overpopulated world is not good to me. 
>> For this reason, an overpopulated world is not good, I think.
That world is always noisy, frustrating, and not clean. 
>> That world is always noisy, frustrating, and messy.
Therefore, I can’t stay long time on that world. 
>> Therefore, I can’t stand that kind of world for a long time. 
I like some places that clean, not noisy, and can feel fresh air like park. 
>> I like places that are clean, quiet, and where I can feel the fresh air like the park. 
I like some places overpopulated, and many musics play on, too. 
>> I like some crowded places where they play music.
But I go that places just often.
>> However, I don\'t go to those places that often. 

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