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2023-03-08 · 첨삭 강사 Donna

학생이 쓴 원문

Hi. There were many things in the clinic today. First, a new staff who is a male joined our clinic. He seemed to be polite, enthusiastic, and diligent. Of course, we should watch him more, but for now, Dr. [Name] and I were satisfied with him. Second, I interviewed a woman who applied to a cleaner. She told me that she had many experiences with hospital cleaning, and the head management officer of our building guaranteed her. Hence, we decided to let her join in our clinic. Third, one of our nurse staff who was a temporary worker became a regular worker. She joined our clinic just around one month ago, nevertheless, she proved her ability and diligence to us. And the last, administrative department manager looked down on the vice chief manger who is around 30 years older than her. Regarding that, We tried to fix our clinic culture. Anyway, I moved my clinic, because I want to make more money and then I can be free from my hardwork. However, I should work harder to pay the dept now. See yo

강사 첨삭

Hello!

Congratulations on being very successful in enumerating the points you have for your discussion! It is one style of writing which displays mastery of organization.

As a medical practitioner, owner, and a boss all at once, it is never easy to perform all these work excellently. Multitasking is a must for you that involves working on two or more tasks simultaneously, switching back and forth from one thing to another, or performing a number of tasks in rapid succession. To gain insights into your new employee\'s performance, you need to watch him close.  In addition, you also need to keep an eye to your new sanitation manager. All these are part an parcel of a fast-growing clinic like yours. Brace yourself for more. You ought to do these since a  positive working environment is a workplace that promotes employee safety, growth and goal attainment. These environments are most conducive to a successful workforce as they encourage employees to perform to their highest ability. Clinics like yours achieve a positive working environment by focusing on their overall culture, supporting employee growth and making employees feel safe and comfortable. You are on the right track.

If there is a person who can handle dilemmas pretty well, it must be you. YOur ability to acknowledge, process, and solve are impeccable. Hence, keep it up!

Looking at your sentences below, they are composed of very good combinations of complex to compound- complex sentences. Well done in your composition!

Catch you soon, Dr. [이름]. 

-T. Donna~ 

Hi.
>> Correct!

There were many things in the clinic today.
>> Correct!

First, a new staff who is a male joined our clinic.
>> Correct!
Or: 
First, a new male staffis joining our clinic.

He seemed to be polite, enthusiastic, and diligent.
>> Correct!

Of course, we should watch him more, but for now, Dr. [Name] and I were satisfied with him.
>> Of course, we should (watch/ observe) him more, but for now, Dr. [Name] and I are satisfied with him.

Second, I interviewed a woman who applied to a cleaner.
>> Second, I interviewed a woman who applied to be a cleaner.

She told me that she had many experiences with hospital cleaning, and the head management officer of our building guaranteed her.
>> Corect! Very good sentence!
Or: She told me that she had many experiences in hospital cleaning, and the head management officer of our building guaranteed this.

Hence, we decided to let her join in our clinic.
>> Correct!
Or: Hence, we decided to let her join our clinic.

Third, one of our nurse staff who was a temporary worker became a regular worker.
>> Correct!

She joined our clinic just around one month ago, nevertheless, she proved her ability and diligence to us.
>> Correct! Very good sentence!

And the last, administrative department manager looked down on the vice chief manger who is around 30 years older than her.
>> And lastly, the administrative department manager looked down on the vice chief manger who is around 30 years older than her.

Regarding that, We tried to fix our clinic culture.
>> Correct!
Or: Regarding that, we try to fix our clinic culture.

Anyway, I moved my clinic, because I want to make more money and then I can be free from my hardwork.
>> Correct!

However, I should work harder to pay the dept now.
>> Correct!
Or: debt 

See you.
>> Correct!

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