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2021-05-24 · 첨삭 강사 Rachel

학생이 쓴 원문

If I buy a new phone it will have a cover that has cute animals . and it has a camara. a survise that you can call someone and a tuner for my violin and a digital dicshanary like goggle or NAVER . and a galery to put in special pictures and I will use it carefully because it is new. but the main reason I need a fhone is that when my parents are out I can call them or ask what to do with my little sister. thanks~

강사 첨삭

Hello Ruby, 
Having a phone is good especially when it is only used for necessary things and not to make people addicted to it.  ^ ^ Thank you for sharing your ideas about this topic. 
-Rachel 
If I buy a new phone it will have a cover that has cute animals .
>> correct
>> OR: If I buy a new phone, it will have a cover filled with animal drawings.
and it has a camara. a survise that you can call someone and a tuner for my violin and a digital dicshanary like goggle or NAVER .
>> It will have a camera, an application for calling someone, a tuner for my violin and a digital dictionary like google or NAVER.
and a galery to put in special pictures and I will use it carefully because it is new.
>> It should also have a huge gallery for saving my special pictures. Then I will use it carefully because it is new.
but the main reason I need a fhone is that when my parents are out I can call them or ask what to do with my little sister.
>> But the main reason for needing a phone is to call my parents when they are out and I need to know what to do with my younger sister. 

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