Homework

2023-06-26 · 첨삭 강사 Donna

학생이 쓴 원문

Hello, T.Donna. How was your weekend? I had an working weekend as usual. Fortunately, the profit for this weekend was not bad. There were many patients, and it means I gave them many prescriptions. Thus, the pharmacist in our building texted me that they always have a gratitude to us and they want to serve us great dinner. It made me happy. And Dr. [Name] expected that they will give us more presents. Meanwhile, we introduced a new treatment about nail disorder. I tried to use a new nail drill to make thick toenail thinner. And we made it. There is a boy who have a fungal infected toenail. He is just four years old, and he has gotten a laser treatment. I was so worried about his disease, because we couldn\'t see the improvement of his nail disease. After drilling his thick nail, it became a better appearance, and then his mother and I were glad about it. As for my skin care, I always try to avoid UV ray directly and avoid lots of stimulation like peeling, pack and strong cleasing. See you.

강사 첨삭

Hi there, Dr. [이름]!

My weekend was full of food and fun. Thank you for asking! For you, it was full of prescriptions, patients/ clients, and paper work, probably. Anyway, In the middle of the week, you and your daughters had a fantastic time in Lotte World. I agree with Dr. [Name]. Since you are sending them a lot of prescriptions, they  directly benefit from your patients. So, the pharmacists in a way, has to give back that favor. 

In the case of the boy who has thick toenails, it is very good to know that your treatment is working so well. With your expertise, via the power of mouth, the mother can highly recommend you to her friends who may need your help. So, congratulations to the success of your nail treatment!

Finally, as someone who is not much fond of facial products, I think that you are absolutely correct, removing moisture on our face by putting too many products can speed up skin aging instead of keeping it youthful.

There are a few simple grammar suggestions to your composition. Kindly read and memorize the patterns. Overall, you did a great piece of writing!

See you soon.

-T. Donna~

Hello, T.Donna.
>> Correct!

How was your weekend?
>> Correct!

I had an working weekend as usual.
>> I had a working weekend as usual.

Fortunately, the profit for this weekend was not bad.
>> Correct!

There were many patients, and it means I gave them many prescriptions.
>> Correct!

Thus, the pharmacist in our building texted me that they always have a gratitude to us and they want to serve us great dinner.
>> Correct!

It made me happy.
>> Correct!

And Dr. [Name] expected that they will give us more presents.
>> Correct!
Or: Dr. MJ expects that they will give us more presents.

Meanwhile, we introduced a new treatment about nail disorder.
>> Correct!
Or: Meanwhile, we introduced a new treatment about a nail disorder.

I tried to use a new nail drill to make thick toenail thinner.
>>  I tried to use a new nail drill to make a thick toenail thinner.

And we made it.
>> Correct!
Or: And, we made it.

There is a boy who have a fungal infected toenail.
>> There is a boy who has a fungal infected toenail.

He is just four years old, and he has gotten a laser treatment.
>> Correct!

I was so worried about his disease, because we couldn\'t see the improvement of his nail disease.
>> Correct!

After drilling his thick nail, it became a better appearance, and then his mother and I were glad about it.
>> Correct!

As for my skin care, I always try to avoid UV ray directly and avoid lots of stimulation like peeling, pack and strong cleasing.
>> As for my skin care, I always try to avoid UV rays directly and avoid lots of stimulation like peeling, pack and strong cleansing.

See you
>> Correct!
Or: See you.

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