homework
학생이 쓴 원문
I have lots of fantastic experience at the beach. I enjoy swimming, surfing, and relaxing in the beach. Among them, laying down and tanning my skin is my most favorite.
I prefer to pack light but sunscreen and sunglasses essential for me.
I especially remember Nha Thrang beach. I wanted darker skin at that time, so I spent time tanning on the beach. But, also I had to protect my skin from the strong sun, so sunscreen and sunglasses were essential when I went to the beach. I brought the sunscreen from Mediheal which I bought at Olive young. Its SPF was more than 50. After putting on sunscreen, and I put on tanning oil that smelled like coconut. Then I found good spot, settled down, and started tanning while drinking a cold beer. Also wearing sunglasses protected my eyes from the strong sunlight.
Even now, whenever I smell coconut, it reminds me of that day in Nha Trang. Actually, next month I’m planning to visit Gangneung Beach, and I’m hoping to get an even darker skin than before.
강사 첨삭
Hi there, Ji[이름]!
I am grateful for your submission of this composition.
The conclusion was brilliant. For the introduction, it is short with very good details. For the body, there are specific details and that is highly recommended. Just for a reminder, avoid being redundant with words or ideas that you already mentioned for the first time.
Overall, well done! Please review my other suggestions.
See you in class.
-T. Donna~
I prefer to pack light but sunscreen and sunglasses essential for me.
>> I have lots of fantastic experiences at the beach. I enjoy swimming, surfing, and relaxing there. Among them, laying down and tanning my skin is my most favorite.
I prefer to pack a light sunscreen and sunglasses essential for me.
I especially remember Nha Thrang beach. I wanted darker skin at that time, so I spent time tanning on the beach. But, also I had to protect my skin from the strong sun, so sunscreen and sunglasses were essential when I went to the beach. I brought the sunscreen from Mediheal which I bought at Olive young. Its SPF was more than 50. After putting on sunscreen, and I put on tanning oil that smelled like coconut. Then I found good spot, settled down, and started tanning while drinking a cold beer. Also wearing sunglasses protected my eyes from the strong sunlight.
I prefer to pack a light sunscreen and sunglasses essential for me.
I especially remember Nha Thrang beach. I wanted darker skin at that time, so I spent time tanning on the beach. But, also I had to protect my skin from the strong sun, so sunscreen and sunglasses were essential when I went to the beach. I brought the sunscreen from Mediheal which I bought at Olive young. Its SPF was more than 50. After putting on sunscreen, and I put on tanning oil that smelled like coconut. Then I found good spot, settled down, and started tanning while drinking a cold beer. Also wearing sunglasses protected my eyes from the strong sunlight.
>> I especially remember Nha Thrang beach. I wanted darker skin at that time, so I spent time tanning on the beach. But, also I had to protect my skin from the strong sun, so sunscreen and sunglasses were vital/ crucial/ necessary/needed when I went to the beach. I brought the sunscreen from Mediheal which I bought at Olive Young. Its SPF was more than 50. After putting on sunscreen, I put on tanning oil that smelled like coconut. Then I found a good spot, settled down, and started tanning while drinking a cold beer. Also, wearing sunglasses protected my eyes from the strong sunlight.
Even now, whenever I smell coconut, it reminds me of that day in Nha Trang. Actually, next month I’m planning to visit Gangneung Beach, and I’m hoping to get an even darker skin than before.
>> Even now, whenever I smell a coconut scent, it reminds me of that day in Nha Trang. Actually, next month I’m planning to visit Gangneung Beach, and I’m hoping to get an even darker skin than before.
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