homework 2
학생이 쓴 원문
강사 첨삭
Hello Kelly! ^^
Thank you so much for your deep insight on the topic given. I appreciate you taking the time to make the compositions.
All good things,
==Teacher Charlie==
Television has many benefits for people’s lives. It can help us kill the time and relax ourselves from the hectic life and sometimes, through various educational programs, we can get informed of every field of topics ranged from politics to geography. however, it can also have a harmful effect on communication among friends and family.
>> CORRECT
Indulged in watching TV, we are often ignorant of people around us and even we can’t hear what they say. And just being connected with TV, we don’t care something truly important, the real relationship with our precious friends and family members. Staying with them in the same place is not enough to build a real relationship. In my thought, what is truly needed is to get involved in activities with them, such as playing together, reading together, cooking together, etc. But with TV on, we only interact with what appears on TV, which will block the communication and eventually hamper the true relationship with them.
>> Indulging in too much television watching can cause us to ignore the people around us wherein we wouldn\'t even be mindful of what they are saying. If we are only focused on the TV, we would fail to take notice of what is truly important and that is our relationship with our precious family and friends. Being in the same place with them is not enough to build a meaningful relationship.
I think that to build and make our relationships stronger, getting involved in activities, such as playing together, reading together, cooking together, etc., is needed. Watching TV together, though, is not recommended because our concentration is only on the screen and hinders communication thus weakening relationship ties.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.